What a very sticky situation to find yourself in! I have heard so many opinions on this topic and it has become very apparent that we all can’t just agree on how to deal with this situation. Some people think you should never speak up about your best friend’s partner’s other side hustles; while others believe that it is required by invisible laws of friendship to speak up in order to be classified as a good friend. Wanna know what I think about this? Obviously you do!
You need to know a very important fact before you start tackling this difficult situation. Your best friend’s partner is your best friend’s best friend, and not you! That title was stripped away from you and given to their partner the minute they decided to get into a relationship with them. Now I’m not saying that they don’t consider you a close friend anymore, but you have to understand that things change when people become committed to others. I’m hoping that we have a mutual understanding about this, so that we can now focus on how to deal with the real issue at hand.
There are three categories of people when it comes to this sticky situation, and the category that you fall under should be the main drive towards your decision. We have:
- Those that heard that they friend’s partner is cheating
- Those that think they saw their friend’s partner cheating
- Those that are very sure that they saw or possess hard evidence that their friend’s partner is cheating.
If you fall under the first two categories, then this article is obviously not for you because you have NOTHING to tell. Nada. Understood?! Keep your lack of relevant information to yourself, unless you are ready to do away with your friendship with them. You dig? Your information is totally useless in helping them make any relevant changes in their relationship, so what exactly is the point? No one wants to hear about information that you are not even sure about, so file your case when you have proof. Lets keep this moving for my folks here in the relevant category.
Before you tell your friend that their partner is cheating, you have to accept that providing them with this information could possibly ruin your friendship with them. I know it sounds very ironical because you are only looking out for them, but it is just what it is. No one likes receiving negative information and some people deal with it best by blaming the carrier of that information. However, as good friends, we just can’t stand someone else hurting those that we care about. So what do we do? We speak up, as we should. Here is how to go about breaking this news to them:
1. Keep it private: Break this news to your friend when you two are alone, because they definitely would not appreciate their business being out there (even when it already is).
2. Be Supportive: Let them know that you would be supportive of whatever decision they decide to make. This is very important. Do not force them to respond to the situation the way you believe is right or they may just start looking for advice somewhere else.
3. Don’t bad talk the cheat: Make sure that you do not start talking bad about their partner, or this could come back to bite you in the ass! If they get back together after all you bad mouth, then you could be screwed. Also, if their partner decides to turn the tables and make you look like the bad guy, then you, you would already have made the job much easier for them.
4. Stop talking and start listening: After you have provided them with this information, it is time for you to listen to every thing they have to say. Your job is not to continue talking about this situation, but to listen to them talk about it. No one wants to hear the same negative information multiple times! Now that you have shared this horrible information with them, you can drop the mic and be their audience. It doesn’t matter what they want to talk about, just be there and listen!
5. Do your best to make them happy: So you have just broken this sad news to them and they are probably feeling like absolute shit. Even if they pretend to be okay, they are definitely not okay. If they don’t feel like going out, then stay in with them and do something fun to make them smile. Send them silly text messages when you are away. Call them to talk about the dumbest things. The littlest things you do can help brighten their day.