Finding you – Chapter One

Selma fumbled with the comforter on the bed as she struggled to hold back the tears that had coiled up in her eyes. She could not understand how he was ending their four year relationship for a woman he had met only two months ago. How could she explain this to her friends, parents, everyone that had been waiting silently for her to break the news of an engagement? Was this some kind of test of the strength of their relationship? Was he just going through a mid-life crisis and could use some space? She knew he had been very distant the past couple of months but definitely did not expect him to fall in love with another girl in that period of time. It must be some sort of infatuation or he was just losing his damn mind!

She looked at him, as the tears fell down her cheeks and she quickly wiped them away with her right thumb.

“So this is it?” She said.

“Selma I’m so sorry. I understand that this makes no sense” Tim replied.

“Damn right it makes no sense..” She yelled back and suddenly stopped herself, like she was trying to hide her emotion.

The room suddenly became quiet and felt empty. She felt..empty. After all she had been through with men in her life, she thought she had found The One.

Tim was the perfect man she had dreamed of all her life. He was God fearing, loving, good-looking, hardworking….Just the right one. Was this her fault? Did she do something wrong for him to look somewhere else? Was there something about her that was just not…worth loving? A man like Tim doesn’t cheat on ANY girl! A man like Tim is loyal and treats his woman like a queen. A man like Tim doesn’t…..leave a woman that can only picture her life with him. A man like Tim should be in love with her, just like she is with him; because a man like Tim doesn’t break hearts.

Maybe it would hurt less if he was just a total asshole to her…

Maybe it would hurt less if he still wasn’t the perfect gentleman standing infront of her trying to explain that he did not mean to break her heart…

Maybe it would hurt less if she knew that all he was saying was just bullshit….but it wasn’t.

She could see it in his eyes that it wasn’t planned. She could hear it in his voice that he truly was sorry that his heart just wanted someone else. She could feel him hurting deep down for breaking her heart because it was totally out of his control. Because the heart wants what it wants….and his heart wants someone else.

She slowly stood up from his bed and picked up her small yellow bag that he had given her as a birthday gift a year ago. She had come to his place demanding answers for his recent behavior and as hard as the truth was to take in, she got it. As she began to walk away, he reached for her right hand and she instantly pulled away. She stood still, as the tears came trickling down and this time, she didn’t try to stop them. She suddenly felt.. lifeless. She wanted to take another step but she couldn’t move. How could she walk away from the one person that she had pictured in her future? How could she walk away from the only man that had ever treated her like she was worth it?

“Selma” He said.

“Please..don’t” She whispered.

“I wish I didn’t love her” He whispered back, as he reached for her hand again…and this time she let him hold her.

“I tried to fight it. God knows that I did. I had planned my life with you, my future, everything. I wanted you. I wanted it to be you.” He said. She could feel him holding back his tears. She knew he was heartbroken and if he could choose her, he would.  But he couldn’t..and that made the pain she felt much worse.

She finally summoned the courage to look him in the eyes for the first time since he had told her that he was in love with someone else that night. She stared silently into his beautiful brown eyes like she was searching for more answers to questions that were too painful to ask. Waiting for the perfect words to pop up, until she could wait no more. There was not a perfect way to put an end to the best two years of her life, but she knew that a good way to start would be to walk out of that door. She suddenly looked away.

“Selma” He whispered again, as she pulled away and walked out of his life.

************************************************************************************

Three months had passed since Selma’s break up with Tim, but it still felt like only three minutes. Getting out of bed had been the hardest activity that she had to perform every 24 hours. Every first hour of her day was spent lying in bed thinking of how things could have worked out differently, fifteen minutes went to crying in the shower, ten minutes to wearing clothes that he never made a comment about and then a thirty minute drive to work with the radio off because every song reminded her of him. At least she loved her job as an HR manager so those recruiting interviews kept her mind busy at the office.

“You have four interviews back to back starting in an hour until lunch time. Would you like me to bring a copy of their resumes?” Angel, Selma’s personal assistant asked, as she followed her into the office. Selma dropped her bag on the table and turned around.

“Ugh I wish i could just hire them without one. What number are you at on coffee this morning, Angel? cup five? Cause you definitely still look like you pulled an all nighter” Selma said giggling, as she sat down and started sorting through the files on her table.

“Actually it’s my second cup. Bet I would look much better if it were the fifth. Mikah didn’t sleep well last night, so I was up until 4am this morning. Someone should have told me how stressful it would be to keep a job and a toddler” Angel replied, as she helped Selma organize the files.

Selma had become much closer to Angel after she had walked in on her crying in the restroom after working hours two years ago. Angel had just found out that she was pregnant the night before and her boyfriend wanted it gone. Selma always admired Angel for being a strong single mother at twenty four. Although she was four years older then Angel, she knew she couldn’t tackle that challenge if it were her.

“I heard that we are currently interviewing for another HR manager since this is Sydney’s last week” Selma said.

“We sure are.  The first interview today is actually for that role. The others are for the engineering department. Let me print out the copies of their resumes so that you have some time to go through them” Angel said, as she headed out of Selma’s office and closed the door.

“Can I have a coffee first?” Selma murmured.

She opened her laptop and checked her emails. The department was having a goodbye party for Sydney on Friday after work. She remembered the last company party she had attended three years ago, her promotion party. She had been so nervous about the promotion the day before that Tim had to keep reminding her of how awesome she was at her job. He had cooked dinner before she got home and got her a new dress to wear to work the next day because he was very sure that she would get the promotion.

The promotion party was crazy! Her department was definitely on top of the list for throwing the best company parties with way more booze than could be finished in one night. She had gotten so drunk that she could not even remember how the night had ended. She woke up the next morning to a new Mercedes Benz with a “Congratulations Baby!” note right in front of her house from Tim. Such a beautiful gift that was short-lived when she got into an accident six months after that. What if she still had the car at the time of their break up? Would she have given it back? She shipped all his belongings and everything he had bought her the day after they broke up. Everything else that didn’t make it into the shipping box definitely made it to the garbage as soon as she saw it. She was determined to move on!

Angel walked back into the office with the copies of the resumes and handed them over to Selma. “Seems like the first one up for Sydney’s spot is a Mr John Coleman. The name sounds really…hmm..cold.” Angel said. Selma looked up and froze. “Sorry, didn’t mean to sound unprofessional” Angel said sarcastically. Selma grabbed the copies of the resumes and shuffled nervously.

“Is everything okay?” Angel asked.

“As soon as I see this resume.” Selma said as she suddenly stopped, as she found it and looked through the resume.

“Why? Does the name sound familiar or something?”Angel asked, but got no response. Only Selma’s eyes that looked like she was staring at a ghost.

“Selma?” Angel tapped the table. Selma put the resumes back together in the file and closed them.

“You know him, don’t you? Care to share who this guy is? If he makes you freeze like that, then maybe he shouldn’t be working in this office” Angel said.

“No, it’s totally fine. Umm…yeah, thanks for bringing me the resumes.” Selma said.

“Okay, well I’ll let the director know that you would not be interviewing John Coleman today” Angel replied.

“Don’t!”

“Well then…who is John Coleman?” Angel pressured.

Selma looked at her, knowing that Angel was not going to give up on asking. “Close the door” Selma responded.  Angel closed the door, but kept her ears wide open.

“So?”

“Well you remember that guy right before Tim that got married while I still had his engagement ring on?”Selma said.

Angel looked away “No it can’t be” She responded.  Selma nodded, as she took another look at the resume. “Well…you are about to meet John Coleman today”

************************************************************************************

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